This Post Will Change Your Life Forever — Guaranteed — Read It Now

December 29, 2011
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This Post Will Change Your Life Forever — Guaranteed.

This post will literally change your life. Find time today to read this entire post if you want a revolution to happen in your life — for the glory of God and for the benefit of the people who are in your life. Every single thing I mention in this post — I have personally demonstrated and experienced. I guarantee you that you will never be the same after you read what is written below.

If you want every single relationship in your life to be exponentially improved, you will want to read every single word. If you want your interaction and communication with other people to reach heights that you have never been on before, you will want to read every single point in this post. If you want to shock your spouse and demonstrate to them that you are the most caring person in the entire world, read this post! This information, when intentionally applied, will monumentally alter your ability to help other people!

Your relationships with people will be forever changed for the better. Your social skills will be improved dramatically. People will have a desperate desire to seek out your help because you have applied that which is written in this post. Your relationship with Jesus and your maturity in Christ will reach a new level that you have not ever even dreamed of.

I am asking you — please read this entire post — mediate on it — pray over it — and ask God to use you for His glory!

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You do not need a degree in counseling to provide a helping hand to a hurting person. Think of the last time someone came alongside of you, to help you. How did it make you feel? What if you were able to provide the same type of care and concern for the people in your life? We can all be spiritual care providers if only we took the time to understand what it is and how to apply it to our daily interactions with other people.

When Paul wrote to the Colossians, here is what he said:

Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. (Col. 1:28)

Paul wanted them to not only grow spiritually personally but to be genuinely interested in helping solidify spiritual growth, corporately. The whole point of soul care is to intentionally help the other person become more mature in Christ. There is a right and a wrong way to do this. Some people have the propensity to spew out advice when it is neither prompted for nor desired. Others take the passive approach and pull out the “I am not my brothers keeper” card. Both parties are doing a disservice to the work of Christ and undervaluing their ability to care for others.

In this post, I want to present Seven Simple Steps that will enable you to provide soul care to the people in your life.

Over time, these items that I am about to outline will become a regular rhythm, as you seek to love others as Christ first loved you.

1. Position yourself correctly.

Do not think of this step as a mere triviality. The way in which you position yourself physically will determine the quality of your conversation, practically. When someone wants to talk to you, make sure you sit squarely and face them. Uncross your arms, relax and lean forward. Maintain eye contact. They trust you enough to share with you their deepest hurts. You need to convey your readiness to help with your body posture.

2. Listen actively.

Listen to what the other party is saying with three ears. Use your two ears physically and your third ear spiritually. What is the Spirit saying to you during your interaction? When you are listening, make sure you pick up on information that is relevant. This will serve as building blocks later on in the conversation. Listen to words that are being repeated. What is a common theme in the conversation? Where and in what do you notice the continuity of thought. Listen to three of the following things:

  1. Content – What Happened.
  2. Thoughts – What were they thinking.
  3. Emotions – What were they feeling.

This is all revealed to you during the conversation. All you have to do is actively listen. By being a better listener, you will be able to adequately assess the situation and provide better insight.

3. Demonstrate compassion authentically.

You have to possess a compassionate heart if you truly want to help hurting people. Compassion is something you do, not something you feel. You have to actively demonstrate it. Showing compassion means listening, hearing and reflecting back the content and emotion expressed by the other person. This shows that you truly care. This shows that they are of utmost importance for you at that particular time. This shows that you attentively listened to all the content that was being conveyed to you. Here are two things to avoid when attempting to convey compassion authentically:

  1. Do not play the guessing game. Do not try to guess what the other person is feeling. You do not really know how they feel. Do you know what it felt like to have someone in your family experience a drug overdose? Did you lose a parent to a terminal illness? Did you experience someone commit a crime against you? I often hear people say, “I understand your situation.” To which I would say — No you don’t. You do not know what it feels like to know your father will live only for five more months. You do not know what it feels like to be betrayed by people who positioned themselves as your friends. You do not know this. Do not try to say that you do. Instead, reflect back the content that you heard so that the other person knows you listened. They will sense and experience your demonstration of compassion.
  2. Do not minimize or exaggerate.  When you are reflecting upon what they said to you, never subtract or minimize what they are feeling or what they have said. I often hear people say “Well, I can see why you would do that” Do you really? I have also heard people say, “It is ok, this is not as bad as what others were involved in.” Really? Since when did you become a final arbitrator on every life situation? We must not minimize — we must show compassion — this is what the other person is desperately in need of.

4. Ask questions specifically.

Remember, even at this step, you are not yet giving any advice. You are still in the process of assessing the situation. In fact, even if you did give advice, it would fall on deaf ears. This is where you start the speaking and ask specific questions. Ask questions that start with the following:

  • Who?
  • What?
  • Where?
  • When?
  • How?
  • Who was involved?
  • What transpired?
  • How did that make you feel?
  • Where did this happen?
  • When did you find out?
  • What about this situation affected you the most?

Avoid asking questions that begin with a “Why.” When you ask people a question that begins with a “why” it immediately puts them on the defense. Why not!? Is the usual response. Asking questions that begin with a “why” comes across as judgmental. The person is then less likely to listen to what you have to say. Remember, a quality conversation is one in which the other person is the center of attention. You are there to help, not to hurt. You are there to enable not to disable. Try this with someone close to you. Ask them a question that begins with Who; What; Where; When; How; instead of Why and see the different reactions.

5. Ask questions intentionally.

You have to know how to ask the right questions. As you do this more often, it will come natural to you. Here are the three types of questions that absolutely must be avoided:

  1. Inquisitive. Example: You did what? How could you? Why did you do this?  This type of question benefits the asker only. This question does not provide any benefit to the person you are trying to help. They already know they have some sort of issue. That is the whole reason they came to you in the first place! They do not need you to again remind them of this.
  2. Rhetorical. This type of question traps the person who is being asked. For example: So you thought this was a good idea? This is not a constructive but rather a destructive question. What you are essentially doing is proverbially beating down an already downtrodden individual. What would make you do this? If your main goal is to help and heal, then avoid rhetorical questions that trap the other person.
  3. Close-ended questions: These questions provide only a “yes” or a “no” response which absolutely does not help you in furthering your understanding of the situation. Here are some examples of close-ended questions:
  • Was this a bad idea?
  • Do you regret doing this?
  • Are you going to put yourself in this predicament again?

These questions do little to alleviate the stress that is experienced by the other person. Avoid these types of questions.

Here are questions that you should pursue in asking:

  1. Clarifying: These are questions that benefit both people. These questions help develop accuracy. Here is an example:
  • If I heard you correctly…
  • Just to reiterate what you said…
  • If I understood right…
  • Based on what, is this how you are currently feeling…
  • Just to make sure we are on the same page….
  1. Eliciting: These types of questions benefit the person you are trying to help. They develop exploration. With these questions, you are able to drill down to the specifics that will help you provide sound advice and counsel. Here are some examples:
  • Tell me more about this situation.
  • How did this make you feel?
  • What else was going through your mind at that time.

By being intentional about your questions, the person you are trying to help is able to specifically describe details that you might have otherwise never found out.

6. Inquire open-endedly.

This one step alone has absolutely revolutionized my communication with people and my ability to help people.I guarantee that if you start asking open-ended questions to other people, you will be able to help them more expediently and provide counsel more accurately. Open ended questions are questions that when asked, will not be able to elicit a “yes” or “no” response. A person will not be able to answer you a simple “yes” or “no” response. This is good news for you when you are trying to help people! They will have to think about the question and actually give you an answer. Please try this with your spouse, your family member, your parents or your co-workers. People will be absolutely shocked that you actually care about that which they are saying. Instead of the usual story-topping bomb that you were about to drop, inquire further about that which was just said to you. Here are some examples of open-ended questions:

  • How does that make you feel?
  • How important is that to you?
  • What would like to have happened?
  • What is an example of that?
  • Tell me what you mean by that?
  • What did you do when that happened?
  • What are your reasons for saying this?
  • What makes you do that?
  • What would you like to have happened?

You can ask open-ended questions in any environment. It is not reserved exclusively for situations where you are trying to help another person. Incorporate these questions into your regular, every day routine. I challenge you to tell me this does not work. I challenge you to tell me that when you started asking open-ended questions, they seemed useless and pointless. Do not do it in an overtly obvious or obnoxious manner. Feed these into your regular flow! I promise you — people will notice that you actually care about that which they are talking about — people desperately desire someone to listen to them! So next time when someone says they went on a great vacation — instead of trying to think of your vacation — ask them the following question: What did you like about it? What was your favorite part? Tell me this will not shock or surprise them! Tell me they wont want to hear your advice later on because you chose to listen to them! Let’s start together an open-ended question revolution — for the sake of the people in our life!

7. Convey genuineness, transparently.

If we want to genuinely help other people, we must avoid the allure of hidden hypocrisy. We must avoid the “pedestal effect.” We can’t come to people from an ivory tower full of answers and scripture citations. This will not help. I have met dozens of people who have left the church specifically because they were plagued with people wanting to give them advice and never wanting to listen to them. If we want to be soul-care providers, we must be genuine and transparent. People can smell a mile away when you are being fake, holier than art thou or simply hypocritical. People can sense when you have risen up on your pedestal and ready to strike them down with your words. If we truly care about people, we must be people who are full of care.

We need to create an atmosphere where people feel safe to confess their sins. The bible teaches us to confess sins to one another (Js. 5:16). People will never confess anything to you when they do not trust you. When you respect people and do this in a genuine way — this ultimately conveys a sense of value, worth and dignity — to the other person. Respect gives a person significance and security. Respect is conveyed by means of the time you give to the other person, the words you speak to them and the actions you demonstrate in front of them. Remember, I do not have it all together. Neither do you. But we know one thing — we want to help others — so in order to do this — we must be genuine and transparent in our interactions. People could care less how much you know until they undoubtedly know how much you care.

Bonus Step – Create your own! 

This step is the best step because you are the one who will come up with it.

  • What is one thing that you have learned when you help other people?
  • What one thing has revolutionized the way you interact with people?
  • What is one thing you absolutely would want others to read and understand concerning soul care?
  • What one thing can you share with the rest of the community that will change their life forever in relation to helping hurting people?
  • What is one thing that you would like others to absolutely avoid at all costs?
  • What is your testimony about how you helped someone or how someone has helped you?

Please share this! You can make a difference in someone’s life when they read your response!

  • Please comment on this post and share this one thing.
  • Please use the links at the bottom of this post to easily and conveniently share this post with all of your friends.

You can share it on Facebook, tweet about it, email it to someone or download a pdf copy of this post by clicking this link: This Article Will Change Your Life Forever–Guaranteed. BogdanKipko dot com.

The people in your life would be forever grateful to you if you shared this valuable information. Their life too would change forever!

Together, as a community of people who have declared Jesus as Lord we can pursue helping hurting people for the glory of God by the grace of God.

If we want to make an impact in this world, we must put aside our preferences and our agendas. We must focus on helping the people in our life. We must be able to lend a hand to  help a hurting person. We must be humble enough to handle a helping hand that has been extended to us. We must have an unquenchable desire for people to be like Jesus. We must care about the spiritual well-being of those around us. We must desperately crave for us and others to mature in Christ! We must be obsessed with this because we are called to this! What else are we doing here? Go forth today and help somebody!

My crazy prayer today is that these Seven Simple Steps Of Soul Care would change your life forever.  I am praying that this post will rock your world and shatter your misconception of what soul care really is.

Please apply these steps in your life starting right now! Beg God to enable you to help other people. Be broken and weep over the people in your life that need help by asking God to intervene and step in to do the unthinkable. Beg God to do the miraculous. Pray a desperate prayer for God to show up and to use you as His instrument for His glory and for the benefit of the people in your life.

 

 

Bogdan Kipko

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Founder & Pastor of Forward Church In Irvine, CA & host of the Fuel For Life Podcast which is listened to in 50 states & 118 countries. Join the FFL nation!