The Difficult Dilemma Of The “Downer-Dude” And A Healthy Solution

November 18, 2011
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What type of reaction do you see from people when you walk into their presence? Have you ever thought about that? What type ambiance do you create with your presence? Is it pleasurable? Is it barely palatable? Can people not get enough of you? Can people barely stand you?

Do you light up the room when you walk in? Or does the room light up when you walk out? These are serious questions to consider. Because the answers reveal the position of our heart. This reveals whether our heart is filled with Christ or if it is full of something else. If you do not make a big splash upon entering a room, at least try not to pollute the atmosphere with comments that put a damper on the people present. 

We all know this type of person:

For the purpose of the post, they will be named as the “downer-dude.” (this name applies to both genders as both are guilty).

We have all met or interacted with the “downer-dude.” Here are three depictions of the downer-dude:

1. This is the person that strategically wants to bring everyone else down just because something is not going their way. It goes something like this: A group of people are speaking about or discussing some sort of success or celebration. As soon as downer-dude catches whiff of what they are talking about, immediately he begins his lethal concoction. He then comes in to the conversation and drops the downer bomb. He says something that is so completely out of left field that it leaves the recipients of this acid speechless. The mood in the room quickly deteriorates. The leaders present now have to work twice as hard to bring back the atmosphere that was present just a moment ago.

2. Most of the time, downer-dude does not say anything that effectively contributes to the conversation. They speak out of jealousy, selfish ambition, or any other number of variables. The reason for their behavior is because they have not received the proper attention that they think they deserve. So, if they are down, then their main goal is to bring every one else down with them. They do not care about the casualties. They care about their case being heard, no matter the lack of legitimacy. An atmosphere where just recently reigned peace and order, chaos ensues because downer-dude decided to strut his malicious muscle.

3. There is a deeper issue with this person than just their destructive comments. The bible says that the reason for why you have no peace among you is because you have jealousy and selfish ambition within you (Js. 3:14). The bible says that where jealousy and selfish ambition persist, peace will cease to exist (Js. 3:16). It even goes further to say that where this behavior is present — there will be disorder and every vile practice (Js. 3:16). Downer-dude behaves this way because his faulty expectations have not been met and their ambition has blinded their reasoning. If you simply remove the jealousy and the selfish ambition, you will become a person, pleasurable to be around with. You will not constantly drop bombs that leaves difficult to restore damage. If you are or have ever been a “downer-dude,” all is not lost. There is hope for you. There is hope that specifically Jesus wants to offer to me and to you today.

Jesus calls us to be peacemakers. Jesus calls us to be people who create order out of chaos. Jesus wants us to give birth to peace and to maintain peace, with the people in our lives. James says that if we are to be wise, we must be peaceable. What does this mean?

Being peaceable means the following:

  • We are capable of creating, cultivating and sustaining right relationships with people around us.
  • We are not the cause of nor the catalyst for division and disagreement.
  • We understand that all of our ideas are not brilliant and we are open to instruction from other parties present.
  • We do not use our wisdom and wit to create intentional dissension for mere entertainment that is only enjoyed by the person who prefers chaos over peace.
  • We promote good faith in Jesus and disallow ourselves to act upon our vile motives that would steer people in the opposite direction.
  • We are wise because we not only love peace but also intentionally pursue peace in every atmosphere we ever grace with our presence.

Question: Have you been the “downer-dude/ette?” How do you personally create peace in the atmosphere that you populate? What steps do you take to bring order out of chaos? 

 

 

Bogdan Kipko

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Founder & Pastor of Forward Church In Irvine, CA & host of the Fuel For Life Podcast which is listened to in 50 states & 118 countries. Join the FFL nation!