Five Foolish Mistakes Single Guys Make

November 7, 2011
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The post below undoubtedly applies to both guys and girls. I am just writing it from a guy perspective. So when you read it, just change the gender when needed to make it more applicable to your situation. 

Before I start telling you what you are doing wrong, let me first say that I know exactly what you are going through. Yes, there was a time when I was single and ready to mingle. There was a time when I did not know who my future wife would be. There was a time when I was filled with anxiety and worry about the future.

There was a time when I was immersed in a long season of prayer about my future spouse and for my future spouse. I am sure that I might have made some of these mistakes that I am about to share with you. This mistakes of course were done out of immaturity, sheer foolishness or just a lack of a biblical approach to the whole situation.

As there was hope for me, there most certainly is hope for you. God desires that you would get married. The woman who you will marry desires for you to propose to her as soon as you possibly can so that you can exist to glorify God together, within your marriage covenant. This sound all fine and good, but what should you do in the mean time? Avoid these five foolish mistakes single guys/girls make:

1. Always Planning And Never Praying. I have met a lot of guys who think a lot about their future spouse. When I ask them if they have been intentionally praying about their future spouse — they look at me like I just asked them for the solution to world hunger. Prayer is a crucial component in the preparation for your marriage. This season of prayer will change you and your character. It will prepare you for what is up ahead. Pray intentionally and strategically about your future spouse. Long before you even set your eyes on her. Way before you even know who she is. Spend time in your place of prayer and guard this precious time vigilantly. You will be glad you did. So will your future spouse.

2. The Ideal Illusion. Some guys already know exactly the type of wife they want to have. They picked out her hair color, her shape, her character and her personality. After they have cemented this image into their mind, this is the only type of female that they pursue. If anyone else comes along, they simply avoid any interaction simply because she does not fit into their idyllic mold. Avoid doing this. God is preparing someone beautiful. Let God paint the portrait of your perfect wife to be. Allow him to lead you to her and not your personal preference.

3. Out Of Your League. This one might hurt a bit, but it is the truth. The sooner you realize it, the sooner you can move on with a fresh attitude. Of course there are exceptions. Some people marry up for sure. Some married guys still wake up every day dazed and confused as to why God would allow such a brute beast to marry such a beauty. I fall into this category for sure. But here is the issue. I have met a lot of guys who think that they need to end up with a girl who looks like she just stepped off the runway in Milan. The guy though looks like he has not ever stepped into a shower. Avoid creating pseudo leagues for yourself. There has got to be some balance. Otherwise, you are just deceiving yourself.

4. Pseudo Spirituality. There are some guys who basically say something like this: I do not need to look for a wife nor do I need to meet other ladies. God will orchestrate all of this himself. She will fall into my lap. We will get married. We will live happily every after. Are you serious? Why do you read your bible every day if you already know the way of salvation? Will not your spiritual growth take care of itself? It won’t right? Avoid supplanting your fear of conversation with pseudo spiritual comebacks. Go visit a youth conference. Spend time in a group of people where both genders are in a gospel-centered community. Amazing things will happen. But you are delaying this pleasure for yourself if you just chill and play video games by yourself every night, thinking that no one wants to hang out with you.

5. The Comfortable Dude-Fest. Some guys always love to hang out with other guys. They show more attention and affection to other dudes then to potential mates. This happens because you become very comfortable in your surrounding. You do not want to step out into the unknown. So when there are females around, instead of engaging in interesting conversation, you retreat back to your friend to discuss the latest operating system on your smart phone. Is a pixellated screen that much more exciting to interact with then a potential, God anointed, God-appointed mate?

The marriage is an opportunity for you and your spouse to exemplify the character of Christ and to display His glory before the watching world. It is too important for you not to prepare for this. The implications of your preparation are too significant to overlook. The matter is too serious not to consider.

Question: If you are not married, what are you specifically doing to prepare for this journey? If you are already married, what preparation did you partake in for your future family? 

Bogdan Kipko

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Founder & Pastor of Forward Church In Irvine, CA & host of the Fuel For Life Podcast which is listened to in 50 states & 118 countries. Join the FFL nation!